I’m on quite a journey, a journey of self-discovery, facing my fears and challenges, about to meet one of the biggest fears for me and getting naked, and I mean literally naked.
A photographer friend of mine asked me to share a post about some photos he wanted to do approaching body-conscious people.
His advert read….
Something different for you.
Women are under a lot of pressure to look good, and body shaming has become a norm.
You deserve better.
I want to help you with that. So during March, I am offering free lingerie or less shoot to any woman who wants to say ‘this is me how I am and I want to celebrate that’ The shoots are open to ALL WOMEN young or old big or small.
I said I would share, but somewhere inside I had a little voice saying I wish I had the confidence to do something like this. But something was stopping me.
I have never been a body-confident person, saying that I have never really been a confident person even with my clothes on. So baring all, is a huge deal for me. It all comes back down to feeling judged, comparing myself to others, what’s normal? What people will think of me?
It’s my body, why do I feel ashamed of it, why am I embarrassed, why do I not love myself, accept myself as I am?
Growing up I was always the little one at school, the smallest in the class, the kid that was still wearing a vest when the other girls were wearing bras. The kid that was picked on and called a boy, even during my college days when I did the boys ballet class. As I was good at jumping, and somewhere someone told me I didn’t have women’s hips, this memory is faint, but still lingers, and all these things after all these years still affect me, knocking my confidence, judging myself, criticising myself, comparing myself to others.
So I have learned to love myself, accept the person I am, be proud of myself, I am strong, I am beautiful, I am caring, I will not judge myself……
But then…. do I? What about my body, that’s me too, it’s my shell, my case, part of me? I need to love that too.
Time to face my fears, and bare all, for me, stop caring what others may think, if they judge me, if they criticise me, if they tell me harsh words, I need to let go. I need to love myself inside and out. Let go, breathe, look in a mirror and tell myself I am beautiful, all of me.
The first time in my life I am really opening up to who I am. After nearly 44 years of hiding being the truth and believing in myself (wow even hiding behind my age, the first time I have announced publically, how old, I mean how young I am) again coming back to the fear of being judged, what is expected of a 44-year-old woman. In some way or another, we all have our insecurities, our hang-ups, pressures, and comparisons to others.
I told a friend that I was doing this, and she said what are your hang-ups, you have a great body, that should boost my confidence right, but no it didn’t it just made me even more conscious. What is a great body? I need to learn to love myself and be comfy in my own skin, for all my years I have never been confident. Whatever our shape and our size, we all need to love ourselves first.
So I’m going to do this, I will be a clammy mess, I’m sure my heart will pump fast, I will feel sick, I won’t sleep the night before, I will be conscious of every movement, putting pressures on myself, judging myself, a large glass of wine after, or maybe earlier. But I’m going to face this fear head-on……….
I will try to breathe, relax and let go…….
“I accept myself as I am without judgment or criticism of myself”
To be continued……….
Just Mimi xxx